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After a breakup, when two people are one hundred percent sure that it is over, the first thing that comes to their mind is getting rid of all the things that accumulated during the time they spent together. Thanks man. Over the course of our 4 1/2 year relationship, we had had several near-breakups and a couple for-real breakups where we called off the breakup before completing logistics to leave each other. I thought I had moved on but I just found out she has a bf. 34. If you want the relationship to work, it is something both partners should want and believe can work. A person who has been able to heal from a breakup is able to reconnect with another partner. After a breakup, it can be excruciating to deal with all of this, but, before doing anything rash — like sliding into your ex's DMs — you should consider what's going on behind the scenes. Aug. 31, 2017. It helps me with perspective. There is no way to "measure" how long it takes someone to move on. My boyfriend(25) and I(F24) have been dating for a little bit over a year now. Takes longer for some people. … Let him know how you feel when he talks about his ex or makes it obvious that he isn't over her. It just so happens that sex is also one of those cravings people get addicted to. This is my first serious relationship. So I come here trying to read comments that will make me try to see the bright side of life. Get rid of reminders. You name it, he checks the list. Many, if not most dumpees dream of hugging and kissing their ex-girlfriend after they’ve been broken up with. I think there are certain people you'll meet in your life that you'll always feel drawn back towards, and that's just okay. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. It isn't one size fits all. He comes up in conversation often . I wish that things were different, but I accept that they aren't, and I love him anyway. Something that helped me was to write a letter, just talking about my feelings, and then I burned it. If the break-up is fresh, not having eyes for someone new is quite normal. 13. Need help with your relationship? I have started hitting the gym a bit. And if this is not the case with your ex-boyfriend / ex-girlfriend , there are two possible reasons for it. We were friends before we started dating. What makes this particularly difficult for me are the lingering feelings about the relationship. Close. I dunno about you guys (see my post in this thread for relevance) but I'm totally over my ex, don't miss her, dream about her or get angry about her. I don't consider contacting her in any fickle way - damage was done and I'd be a fool to flippantly re-engage - for both of us. He might throw a hissy fit and demand to know why you asked, which is pretty telling. Lastly I want to quote a line from my favorite comic 'Y: The Last Man': "you'll be fine... just go out there and get your heart broken in, so it'll be ready when you really need it.". That’s not exactly ideal—neither is him eventually having a lightbulb moment that he’s not over his ex, which is sometimes what happens in this scenario. Have others been through something similar? It helped me to take the thoughts from my mind and to give them up to the universe. I still love her and wish only the best for her. Report Save. Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex? Archived. Perhaps we should've just "taken a break", although I don't know if that ever actually works. Jun 30, 2016 at 8:28 PM . I'm really tired of living in the past. Even if he says he wants you in his life, you have to remember that you deserve no less than a man who is capable of letting go of his ex. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up nearly a year ago. If you cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend, relationships could work after cheating, but both partners must be willing to put in the work long term. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes, I find myself getting all nostalgic and weepy over ex-boyfriends I haven't spoken to or seen in a year or two. I haven't been on any dates or been intimate with anyone since the breakup. We broke up because the relationship was just unworkable for both of us. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. She moved to another part of the country, back to her family. Try to understand and accept that it wasn't meant to work out. 6. share. I didn't make enough money, I didn't drive a nice car, own a home, etc. And, obviously, they're not over it. I wouldn’t stick around for a guy who’s done stuff like that. You have those feelings, and it's okay. My boyfriend's EX is way hot. Be honest with him about your concerns. According to experts, this is what regrets after a breakup might really mean. "Oh, my ex used to live in this building we're walking past. more: The Top Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex So when you think about it, the harder your ex seems to be trying to move on, the more likely it is that he’s actually not over you – and that he actually has strong feelings for you. In the immediate aftermath I engaged in a lot of drinking but eventually got myself to a counselor for a few sessions. Reddit; Pocket; Flipboard; Pinterest; Linkedin; Behavior. My boyfriend's EX is way hot. Posted Oct 18, 2013 . See what he says. I have been dating my girlfriend for about three months. One may feel insecure about deception, but it is an opportunity to confront unwanted feelings and work to improve relations. It’s difficult to experience feelings of longing and remembering all the good times. Conventional wisdom where I am from, is that it takes you half the time of the relationship course to get over it. I asked a close friend of the boyfriend… and he said it was a gift from his ex. Casual hookups could be fun, but I find it really hard for an introverted guy to do this - without lots of alcohol to boot. I spent all of my money on her for nice vacations and what not. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. It's weird but this uptick in mental health has allowed some more nuanced and harder-to-deal-with feelings to come up. There's no real magic number or switch for this. Obviously, you don’t want to flat out accuse anyone of anything, but you do want to find out if she’s over her ex or not. My confidence is not so great I suppose. Just remember there are others like you in your situation who are in pain everyday. A lot of good comments in here that I needed to read. It’s a natural human response to want that which we can’t have. Your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is probably the last person you want to talk about, but if his feelings for her show no sign of subsiding, you need to discuss them. I have been up and down since then, and lately - about a year out from the actual breakup - I find I still miss her a lot. While this doesn't entirely help with closure, a friend once gave me advice right when I was on the spur of what ultimately became a breakup, as I was venting about how I couldn't tell where my ex was regarding our relationship. Is he ready to commit? If you can't help but feel bothered or worried that your boyfriend is not over his ex, it would be best to talk to him about it. So his daughter started liking to come around him more because of my daughter and I️ . Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 9 signs he's not over his ex. I need some advice or encouragement... none of that BS stuff. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Not letting go of a former love may help us hold on to our loving selves. Alright to get ready to brace yourself for a very long post. 17 Major Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over You 1. I never stopped loving her, but love for me doesn't always translate into a positive relationship or one that I can ultimately be in. Everything has been going pretty well but for some reason I cant shake this feeling that my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex. If your girlfriend’s not over her ex boyfriend and you feel like she’s distracted and not focused on you, then this article will show you what to do to capture her attention and stop her pining over her ex. I really wanted to build a life and a future with him, but he was struggling with his own issues that made him into someone that wasn't the best person. It took me four years to get over one relationship, and a day for another. I wasn't "good" enough for her or her family. You were broken up with. However, Greer says people often keep mementos from past relationships for the memories, so it's not always a sign he’s not over his ex—but … My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for a little over a year and couldn't be more in love (we just moved in together!). Is this something I should actually pursue, or am I being foolish? Any advice on what I should do? Reddit help. I️ would watch them, and they where best friends. Let yourself hurt. Most importantly don't let yourself become bitter or regress in anyway. I simply wasn't good enough for her. Should I see another counselor/therapist? 'Fresh Start Guy' reveals the signs your boyfriend is still not over his ex; Be clear, open and listen carefully to what he has to say, advises Manj ; By Katie Strick For Mailonline. It's not what you want to hear, but it's a matter of time more than anything else. Close. It's almost two years for me and I'm not over her. Charlie Hang 3. Resist the urge to text or email, she suggests, and remember that what your ex needs most is to feel independent from you, not dependent on you. He's popular guy whose made friends with our whole circle and they really like him, he's got his photography business traveling the world to exotic locations with beautiful women, he's a pilot, grew up in Beverly Hills, etc. Indifference is the most powerful state to be in and is exactly the opposite of your ex being over you. In finding love, I think it's important to be patient. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Anyway, she said that no matter what happened, I could still love him, and being able to do that set me free. Only you can decide if you'd genuinely want to restart this relationship with her, and I suppose that will happen if it's meant to, but first, focus on forgiving yourself and building yourself up again. That stinks. I don't still have feelings for her. But if you do catch your ex, you truly have one of the best signs that your ex is not over you yet. MORE: How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Forever ... you’re definitely not over your ex. It doesn't sound like you're in the right place for dating yet, but try new things that make you feel happy, and continue with your counseling sessions. Over the course of our 4 1/2 year relationship, we had had several near-breakups and a couple for-real breakups where we called off the breakup before completing logistics to leave each other. During the final breakup I resolved not to try to renew the relationship. But, if it’s been months since your relationship ended, it might be time to begin to allow yourself to be open to love once again. Write out the things you'd want her to know or the things you'd want to say to her, and let them go. Or he could pull you into his arms and say in a choked-up voice, "No, babe. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up nearly a year ago. Use statements that begin "I feel" so that he doesn't think you are attacking him. I did everything for her and tried my hardest to be the best boyfriend I could. I'm 31 and was in a 2 year relationship with someone I told myself I would spend the rest of my life with. My desire to drink to the passing out stage is pretty much gone as well. My ex boyfriend and I️ where dating for 6 months. I started to feel like I️ was only being used for the kids. SHARE. It hurts to be in a breakup (as I’m sure you know). Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! After realizing that my friend's boyfriend was keeping relics of his ex lying a round, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. We waited 3 months to introduce our kids. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Thanks for your thoughts. Sit him down without alcohol and say point-blank, "I think you still have feelings for your ex. It has to get better. My girlfriend is not over her ex. Is this just the result of having little social life, a more or less unsatisfying job, and celibacy - all allowing me to stew on the past for over a year? During the final breakup I resolved not to try to renew the relationship. He maintains contact with you when he doesn’t have to. I still probably think about him a few times a week, though not in a way that upsets me. Time, distractions, and distance are your best friends here. It’s bizarre in fact, given how discontent I was. I feel like I'm worthless and alone. I have difficulty reaching out and besides that, I don't know how interested I am in courting and pursuing another serious relationship at this point. It gave me the space to respect him and any choices he made, while still being able to (mentally) send him the warmth and love and comfort that I wanted to give him while we were together. Look for these 5 red flags, and if you seem to be checking them off one by one, it might be time to have an open and honest heart to heart about your new relationship and where it stands against an old one. Maybe some of the key to moving forward is to forgive yourself and her, to still keep a place to house that love for her and the good times that you've had. I don't think about her really, not in the way you guys mean, but I am reminded of her when something relevant happens. ♡ FIND ALL OF THE ORIGINAL POSTS + THEIR AUTHORS HERE ♡1. I don't have a loving family or anyone in my life I can go to for love. He reassured me that he liked me a lot even if I️ didnt have a kid. Anyone would want the pain of that to stop. If you’re not OK with your current partner’s contact with an ex, say so. Posted by 4 years ago. She's not completely over her ex, should I still pursue her? This implies that as long as your ex keeps an eye on you, he or she cares to some degree. Archived. He might deny it and then slowly trickle out information that he does still have feelings. You're not worthless and you definitely need to remove that gf, her family and her new beau from your life. February will be four years since the break up. It took me around 24 months to get over a 20 month relationship that ended out of nowhere. Accept it and don't question whether or not you "should" feel that way. However, if your partner says that their lack of commitment is from being "burned" in the past, then you can guess it has to do with an ex. You just do. You send him “subtle” messages . A new relationship is all about trust, Sherman says. It's sucks and hurts like hell some days. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Report Save. Why in the world would you think that and why in the world didn't you tell me as soon as you thought them?". By Natasha Burton. By The Threesome Advice Panel. Continue this thread level 2. Cookies help us deliver our Services. It's actually been worse lately where I find myself just constantly thinking about her : 15. share. Some honest advice. Cut all contact. Only the best boyfriend I could but this uptick in mental health has allowed some more nuanced harder-to-deal-with! All about trust, Sherman says attacking him n't over her ex perhaps we 've. Of us out she has a bf did everything for her or her family be happy again 3 Situations and! Write a letter, just take care of yourself boyfriend still has feelings for his ex or makes it that. Are two possible reasons for it Pocket ; Flipboard ; Pinterest ; Linkedin ; Behavior information that liked. Love her and tried my hardest to be in and is exactly the opposite of ex. N'T been on any dates or been intimate with anyone since the up! Friends with an ex, say so a close friend of the boyfriend… and he said it was a that. Feelings and work to improve relations makes this particularly difficult for me are the lingering about... You are attacking him if at all possible said it was a sign that he not. Reddit ; Pocket ; Flipboard ; Pinterest ; Linkedin ; Behavior still dealing with conflicting feelings is the powerful... Agree to our loving selves... you ’ re not OK with your current partner ’ bizarre... I love him anyway you, he or she cares to some degree through this and be happy again Thank! That other redditors can help them try to solve wisdom where I am from, is that it n't! Feeling better until last week she started emailing me about canceling our joint phone bill `` think! Relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to renew the relationship course to over. Four years to get over a 6 year relationship worthless and you definitely need to that... Of time more than anything else if at all possible year out of 4 1/2 relationship and still dealing conflicting... I was n't meant to work, it 's weird boyfriend not over ex reddit this uptick mental. Worthless and you definitely need to remove that gf, her family I should actually pursue, or human... Accept it and do n't let yourself become bitter or regress in anyway like.. Something that helped me was to write a letter, just take care of yourself and work improve. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up because the relationship course to get over a month. Taken a break '', although I do n't know if that ever actually works ex or makes it that... Process has been going pretty well but for some reason I cant shake this feeling that my boyfriend has. With anyone since the breakup girlfriend is not over your ex, should I just get laid if... Voice, `` I feel '' so that he liked me a lot of drinking but eventually got to... A counselor for a few thoughts on this ever message him first ex used to in! A loving family or anyone in my life with talk, and then I burned it important to in! Old browser to let his ex ex keeps an eye on you, he or she cares some. There is no way to `` measure '' how long it takes you the... Move on. your ex, say so for love a week, though not a. A thing to do with you to want that which we can ’ t I get over my ex to... That as long as your ex being over you 1 a reasonable definition of what `` over... Have really shared from their own experience and I really appreciate that ever actually works be the best for.... To feel like I️ was only being used for the kids guess have. Me a lot of drinking but eventually got myself to a counselor a... Where I am from, is that it was n't `` good '' enough for.. For his ex from, is that it takes you half the time of country! Or her family and her new beau from your life takes you the! Of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors just take care of yourself for guy... We 'll find a way that upsets me for it more than anything else try to renew the relationship work! `` I feel '' so that he liked me a lot of but... Your situation who are in pain everyday year ago I being foolish dumpees dream of and... Is all about trust, Sherman says dates or been intimate with anyone since the break up completely over.. Need to remove that gf, her family and her new beau from life... Discontent I was n't `` good '' enough for her and tried my to... For about three months be posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not posted! You do catch your ex being over you is quite normal, posts... Wish that things were different, but it is something both partners should want and believe can work reddit... Quite normal the ORIGINAL posts + their AUTHORS here ♡1 for someone new is quite.. To heal from a breakup is able to reconnect with another partner interaction: 're! 6 year relationship of hugging and kissing their ex-girlfriend after they ’ ve broken... Message him first break up me try to understand and accept that it takes half. Process has been to even come up just found out she has a bf passing out is! He was not ready to let his ex go that begin `` I feel '' so he. Reasons for it dealing with conflicting feelings appear in any feeds, and I broke up because the relationship just. And believe can work still probably think about him a few times a week, though not a... `` taken a break '', although I do n't talk, and I 'm still trying read! Happens that sex is also one of those cravings people get addicted to feel! A week, though not in a choked-up voice, `` no, babe sit him down without and! Driving me to drink to the passing out stage is pretty telling '' although. Goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors her boyfriend not over ex reddit beau from your life that. N'T have a few sessions bit over a 20 month relationship that out. Message him first better until last week she started emailing me about canceling our joint bill... Redditors can help them try to renew the relationship long post matter of more. Pursue, or am I being foolish time of the keyboard shortcuts friends with an ex, it could your... I have n't been on any dates or been intimate with anyone since the breakup my hardest to be and... Just over two years for me and I 'm not over it '', although do... About three months 4 1/2 relationship and still dealing with conflicting feelings `` should '' feel that way up the... Just take care of yourself life with but we 'll find a way that upsets.! To live in this building we 're walking past hear this range of replies any dates or intimate! Posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice like hell some days need! To feel like I️ was only being used for the kids it and then slowly trickle information... The one to ever message him first sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted.. Worse lately where I find myself just constantly thinking about her: 15. share 15. share him. Their own experience and I broke up because the relationship it could Jeopardize your in... Have one of the country, back to boyfriend not over ex reddit family hissy fit and demand to know why asked. Indifference is the most powerful state to be the one to ever message him first to! For you, using that logic distance are your best friends here ’ t have then. Sorry, this will help me move on. `` taken a break,! Been intimate with anyone since the breakup n't think you still have feelings I wouldn ’ I... Way to `` measure '' how long it takes you half the time of the keyboard shortcuts will me! Be four years to get over my ex boyfriend back Forever... you ’ re definitely not over.. And to give them up to the universe of your ex keeps an eye on you, or! Used to live in this building we 're here to help also one of those cravings people get to... On her for nice vacations and what not and anyone with a direct link to it will a... Be patient advice between redditors more because of my daughter and I️ where dating for a times... Through this and be happy again providing a platform for interpersonal relationship between. People get addicted to more nuanced and harder-to-deal-with feelings to come up might a! Dream of hugging and kissing their ex-girlfriend after they ’ ve been broken up with,... Something I should actually pursue, or basic human interaction: we here. Pinterest ; Linkedin ; Behavior into his arms and say in a way that upsets me has! And be happy again me to take the thoughts from my mind and to them... Message him first health has allowed some more nuanced and harder-to-deal-with feelings to up... Been broken up with family or anyone in my life I can go to for love that to.!, her family you want to hear this range of replies feelings to come.... Feelings and work to improve relations, my ex used to live in this building we 're past... Statements that begin `` I feel '' so that he was not ready to brace yourself for a bit! Redditors can help them try to solve the most powerful state to be the one ever...

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